People
have been writing about Ralph’s many life accomplishments and rather than
regurgitate the well-known facts of his life, I wanted to share on a more
personal note, the way he has impacted my life and played a pivotal role in my
growth.
The
last few times Ralph and I met, I just assumed he wouldn’t remember little
details from our past, but he would always refer to them, asking about my son,
my daughter, our mutual friends and my plans. He remembered my research topic,
he knew details about my advocacy work, he knew what was important to me. He
always made me feel unique and special. Thinking back now, I am sure I was not
the only one who had this feeling around him. He paid close attention to each
person in his life and made us feel like the center of the universe. This was
one of his many human gifts.
A True Mentor
Ralph
had many qualifications and qualities that are now well-known in the LA
community and beyond. He was a fighter for justice, a steadfast believer in activism
for freedom in all its forms. One of his most important roles was as a mentor. When
I was applying for graduate school positions, I once came to him feeling so
disappointed. I had just been rejected from a Ph.D. program because they were
seeking a pure academic and researcher and my long-life activism history didn’t
align with their vision. I was questioning everything. I told him I felt like my
activism was becoming an obstacle to my progress. He listened to me for some
time without saying anything and then in a very compelling tone told me: “if
you become an academic and have no passion and ambition for change, you are no
longer complete. Your activism is a plus, not an obstacle.” He cheered me on
and reminded me to pick programs that aligned with my life’s work. He kept me
on track.
A Problem Solver
Every
time I came to Ralph with a request, like a letter of recommendation or a lead
on an internship or ideas for how to hold a large event together, he was quick
to respond. He would ask me to sit behind his computer and would dictate emails
to people he knew around the city, networking and bringing people together. People
had so much respect for him that we would always hear back with positive news. He
was so deeply generous and no matter what the issue was, he was quick to
brainstorm for solutions. We never ruminated too long on the problem.
A Caring Role Model
In
2008, we all went to the Democratic convention. My delegation was part of
Hillary’s campaign, he was on Obama’s team and we would have long fruitful
discussions about differences. Our delegation was trying to get a signature
from Hillary about troops in Iraq and he encouraged us to go in front of the
line and make our statement in one or two sentences to get her signature. He told
us to ask people to allow us to go in front of them. He said tell people about
your cause and make your case. He was a seasoned campaigner and a fierce
advocate.
A
few hours later, we found ourselves in a hospital. He was under IV for hours
and we were waiting in the urgent care. I was sitting close to his hospital bed
and looking at his face and hand, hoping he gets better soon. He opened his
eyes, looked at us, and in a gentle voice asked: “Did you finally get the
signature, Soraya?” My friend and I looked at each other and smiled: “Yes,
Ralph, we did!” He said “I am so glad, good job”, and closed his eyelids to fall
back asleep.
We
only later found out that he had stayed up all night the night before and had
barely had anything to eat because he had been part of a resolution team on
homelessness and they had had to work through the night. He was deeply and
selflessly dedicated.
Ambitious
When
Ralph asked me to become his SME (subject matter expert) for his book, I was
trilled and humbled. Ralph was ready to write another book. In one of his last emails
to me he said: “read and comment on that
chapter. Be candid; we have many more chapters to write on that subject.”; he
was ready to continue.
A real friend
One of my great honors in our relationship was being able to
accompany him to UCLA Medical Center for a routine test and appointment. Afterwards,
we went together to Wholefoods. He bought a few items and I bought him Iranian
pastries that he loved. I once gave him a handmade painting with the words “welcome”
on a creamy/ greenish colored canvas. He adored it. He asked “Why do you always
bring me something?” I told him: “Because I love you Ralph. I bought this during
an art walk and thought of how welcoming you have been. I thought you might
like it.” “I love it!” He said.
It was these simple but meaningful
interactions that I will keep treasuring and carry with me to help me through
the grief of his loss.
I am truly honored to have had an amazing
friend, role model, and mentor in Ralph D.Fertig. I am humbled that he wrote glowingly
about me to my doctoral department. He once said that he held me in high esteem
and the feeling was truly mutual. I suspect there are many in this city who
hold him in high regard and miss him dearly.
After every event or
pictures taking, I was creating a folder to send him the photos.I am creating
him one again.
He encourages the qualision to stay together to make changes
Front of Turkish Consulate after we talked to the member of Turkish consulate and gave them the demand for free Berivan
Arminian, Kurds, Greek, American for one cause, social justice and freedom
During my hooding ceremony, a picture for him and his message
invitation for graduation, sent photo to Ralph
2018
In Ralph's House after her book was published. he was super happy for her book and super proud for my dissertation on her table and of course the water melon he loved
In a demonstration to support Kurds in Afrin /Rojava/Syrian Kurd, front of Federal building.
He came with his caregiver on wheelchair, this man is a hero
